Happy Things

AND NOW

for some actual photographs

(and less sappiness, geez Shea)

 

my new apartment

(just kidding)

 

some roommates don't know that glass bottles in the freezer EXPLODE

 

my family, who may or may not be suffering from mental illness

(pray for them)

 

before and after Color Me Mine therapy

 

SOMEONE CLEANED THEIR CAR BATTERY ALL BY THEMSELVES

 

oh yeah, I work at Autopia now?

 

:)

 

have the best weekend ever, you guys

Emergency Preparedness

I'm starting to think of my life as a series of photographs.  Each moment is unique, finite, a beautiful little construct captured by a beat-up Diana and gone again.  I keep the snapshots in a darkroom in the back of my brain, saving them for rainy days when I need to remember what I'm doing here.

There's a photograph of me driving down the 5 at 80 miles per hour on the sun-soaked morning after Christmas, windows down, Fossil sunglasses on, listening to Ride by Lana Del Rey and singing at the top of my lungs.  There's one of me in a blazer, red lipstick and high heeled boots, ordering a Nutella cupcake and walking along the farmers' market under palm trees on swanky Birch St. in Brea.  There's one where I'm curled up in a recliner with a cat on my lap, eating carrot cake and hot chocolate for breakfast in a quiet house flooded with morning sunshine, writing nearly perfect poetry for two hours.  There's one of me drinking a cold Dr. Pepper and watching a Quentin Tarantino movie, bedroom walls strung with Christmas lights, falling asleep in the arms of the boy I love.

Sometimes there's not much you can hold on to.  Sometimes everything falls apart and nothing seems tangible.  Stock up now.  When you feel those moments of absolute joy, brought on by a gorgeous orange sunset or an ocean wind or a full gas tank or a kiss on the cheek, take a picture.  Write it down.  Soak up every detail, breathe it in.  It won't last forever.  But when rougher seas come, you can always retreat and return to your photographs.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
      - Alexander Pope

Almost-Weekend Update

For those of you who are unaware, after much thought, I finally decided to stay at Disneyland.  The college program ended on January 5th, on which day I was also kicked out of college program housing.  I am now living in the spare bedroom of my friend and coworker Elena's parents' house in Yorba Linda while we look for our own apartment in the Anaheim/Fullerton area.  I am also on the hunt for a second job, seeing as my seniority dropped from three years to four days overnight and I am working a grand total of twelve hours next week.

TWELVE.

Exhausted would be a complete abortion of an understatement of how I am feeling.  Even though next week is dead, I picked up two extra shifts this week for a total of five days working.  Three of those were cross-training at Autopia (where I signed off and can now work in addition to Star Tours!), which were both mentally and physically draining, not to mention stressful.  I'm not used to having to worry about getting my feet run over.  And besides Disneyland, I get to worry about how I'll pay rent when Elena and I move, where and how I can find another job, how to keep my relationship alive and healthy, when to buy a new car and what to buy, and when to go back to school and what to study and where.

So basically,

EVERYTHING.

I've found that the only way I can stay afloat is to focus on all the things that have been going well for me.  I've been incredibly blessed.  I'm living with a good, financially secure, morally upstanding, unbelievably hospitable family who lets me eat all of their food and invites me out of my room when I'm a hermit for more than two hours.  I have another loving family back in Modesto who also checks in on me regularly and helps me search for apartments, schools and jobs.  I have one of the best jobs IN THE WORLD at the literal happiest place ON EARTH, where I am always safe and always welcome and don't have to work too hard.  I can go to Disneyland 365 days a year.  WHENEVER I WANT.  FOR FREE.  I have amazing friends, some of whom are spread across the state and the country but who still send me videos on Twitter and call just to say hi, and others who I can go to Dennys with at 1 AM or paint in nonawkward silence with at Color Me Mine.  Right now I don't have to worry about making rent plus a car payment or getting robbed or being lonely or not giving my eyelashes the love they deserve from Sephora.

I'm really lucky.

So I'm going to stay here, for at least a little while longer.  I tried fighting it, but when you're driving home on the 5 from Newport Beach on a summer night with the window down and you're listening to Coldplay's Fix You and the Disneyland fireworks begin to light up the entire sky, you know you're home.

A Not-So-White Christmas

Snow has always been my mortal archnemesis.  I lived in the freezing, desolate recesses of Idaho for two years and to say I loathed it would be a massive understatement.  Snow was my natural enemy, the bane of my existence (and my makeup's).  I could find no redeeming qualities in it, until now, ironically.

You might try to tell me that I don't live in the snow anymore, but you'd be wrong.  It snows every night here in Anaheim.  Sure, it may be room temperature and gingerbread scented and last only two minutes at a time but it counts.  Quite frankly, my snow kicks your snow's butt.

My close friends and family who have seen me at Disneyland know that I love nothing more than the castle lighting we have twice each night, during which it begins to snow.  When I am working outside, I will literally drop my position, plant myself in the dead center of a walkway, and wait.  Everyone thinks I am crazy.  I probably am.

But Disneyland snow, even though it may be (spoiler alert) just soap, is pure, unadulterated magic.  Here's how it works.  Let's face the truth, even though it's obviously the happiest place on earth, Disneyland can be a straight-up nightmare.  Rides break down, kids throw up, strollers wheels fall off, you get stopped at the front of the line every single time.  It's definitely not the luckiest place on earth.  When you're surrounded by 50,000 other people with the same mustard-stained cargo shorts and strained expression as you, it's easy to get frustrated and unhappy.  When you're a cast member dealing with such frazzled guests, it's even easier. 

But then there's the snow.  And for that one beautiful, infinitesimal moment, everything stops.  People slow down in the streets, tilt their heads back with their tongues out, hoist their children onto their shoulders, hold someone's hand.  All of the misfortunate events of the day dissipate as quickly as the snow on the pavement.  And just when you start to feel at peace, it's over.

The world never stops turning and never will.  The anxieties of life never fully disappear, not even at Disneyland.  But when they're suspended in the air, light as a snowflake, even just for two minutes, all the trouble is more than worth it. 

There's just something about the snow.