A Comprehensive List of the Men Who Propelled My Pubescent Sexual Awakening

1. David Bowie in Labyrinth. Have you guys seen this movie??? This is one messed up movie. Like who in a production meeting was like "you know what would make a great addition to this family film? David Bowie, but he has to wear tights and six athletic cups."  It was totally repulsive and mesmerizing at the same time.  I remember in church one Sunday (I was probably 10 or 11?) I drew a picture of David Bowie's bulge and I think that was when we weren't allowed to watch Labyrinth anymore.
2.  Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man.  Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3.  Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad.  He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while.  I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5.  Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?)  He had cool hair and a skateboard.  BANG-A-RANG.
6.  Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair.  Learning so much about myself from this blog post.  Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it.  Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*

Cheers to all our childhood crushes.  May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)

Shea's Declassified Halloween Survival Guide

1.  Scary movies are much less scary if you mute them
2.  Walking Dead and American Horror Story are both back on in less than a week #blessed
3.  DON'T BUY WALMART COSTUMES
4.  Have a pumpkin spice latte as often as possible (Chris says they contain a known carcinogenic but I'm just like LOL basic white girl to the death)
5.  If you're going to any haunted things and you get scared, tuck your head in and just start throwing elbows
6.  Bonus: if it's one of those tents in the mall parking lot you can literally just tear the Velcro edge of the tent open and climb out (personal experience)
7.  A good way to troll someone you hate in your household is to buy one of those Exorcist Linda Blair animatronics from the Halloween store and set it up in their bed (not recommended for those with a history of heart problems) (Chris has joked about doing this to me, so if he is found dead in the next couple of weeks, you know what happened and I will be in Mexico)
8.  I am not exactly the hugest Disneyland fan in the world, but if you're in the area and have a spare $50, they throw an awesome Halloween party.  Family friendly, no lines for rides, dope fireworks show, sweet costumes everywhere (it's like a Halloween Comic-Con) and unlimited amounts of candy.  You could literally fill up an entire wheelbarrow, per person
9.  Actually pumpkin spice everything is great
10.  If you don't like Halloween, who are you even

And here's a picture of me and my cat getting excited for everything

Happy October!