A Comprehensive List of the Men Who Propelled My Pubescent Sexual Awakening

1. David Bowie in Labyrinth. Have you guys seen this movie??? This is one messed up movie. Like who in a production meeting was like "you know what would make a great addition to this family film? David Bowie, but he has to wear tights and six athletic cups."  It was totally repulsive and mesmerizing at the same time.  I remember in church one Sunday (I was probably 10 or 11?) I drew a picture of David Bowie's bulge and I think that was when we weren't allowed to watch Labyrinth anymore.
2.  Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man.  Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3.  Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad.  He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while.  I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5.  Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?)  He had cool hair and a skateboard.  BANG-A-RANG.
6.  Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair.  Learning so much about myself from this blog post.  Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it.  Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*

Cheers to all our childhood crushes.  May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)