HIIIIIII *awkward smile emoji*
Just here to let you know (if anyone still checks up on this blog, which would be terribly shocking) that I've moved over to a new site, https://sheajulie.wordpress.com/. It's nothing too exciting, and some of my old content does make an appearance, but it's a cleaner setup that I can use for portfolio purposes. And you will find new posts going up several times a month! Yay!
Catch you on the flippity flip!
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Hipster: A Semi-Autobiographical Essay
My name is Shea and I have a confession to make.
I don't want to be a hipster anymore.
I don't want to spend hours matching my hat to my vintage rings to my flash tattoos to my boots to my Free People kimono. I don't want to spend a week's paycheck on Lush products and photograph them with my VSCO Cam app on my all-white bedding to prove I live in Southern California and have great skin. I don't want to post a sarcastic tweet every time Starbucks spells my name on my cup wrong. I don't want to meticulously coordinate all of my Instagram photos to have the same rosy Lauren Conrad tint. I don't want to curate a vinyl collection larger than the one that's been sitting in my grandparents' attic for thirty years. I don't want to spend ten minutes every day drawing on the perfect eyebrow that says "I care about Hollywood beauty standards, but not enough to use waxes that aren't animal-cruelty free." I don't want to profess a profound yearning for spirituality while refusing to commit to any moral code that requires personal accountability. I don't want to be the face of the "cultural appropriation" article on Wikipedia, and I don't want to wear any more Native American headdresses or sparkly bindis. I don't want to post an angry vlog about freeing the nipple. I don't want to go broke shopping exclusively at upscale consignment shops and farmers' markets. I DON'T WANT TO PRETEND TO LIKE NASTYGAL ANYMORE.
I dream of an America where I can be free to like things without irony. A land where men are not judged by the thickness of their beard, nor the silkiness of their man bun. I want to go grocery shopping in my Costco-brand Uggs and Pink sweatpants. I want to eat at gloriously cheap, high fructose corn syrup-saturated chain restaurants instead of bland, health conscious vegan cafes with strict Birkenstock-and-mom-jeans dress codes. I want to eat at McDonald's because maybe I don't care that everything isn't cage free or grass fed or genetically unmodified. Maybe I just want to eat at McDonald's because their chicken mcnuggets are DAMN GOOD. I want to like things that everyone else likes, like Taylor Swift and pumpkin spice lattes and trashy reality TV and Kevin James movies. I want to see bands AFTER they're already famous. I want to buy shoes from places where the proceeds don't go to charity without fear of reprobation. I want to live free of high-waisted-short-induced cameltoes. This is my dream.
Oh teens and wannabe teens of this golden nation, when can we be free of Bettie Page bangs? Of the overwhelming need to feel unique paired with the crushing pressure to fit in? When can we admit we're all pretty basic? And when will you guys all find something new to become so I can go back to being hipster?
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
10 QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS
1. How was your childhood
2. Who hurt you
3. Do you own any shoes that are not steel toed boots
4. Are you training for a marathon in your living room
5. Does your god punish you if you do not move all of the furniture in your apartment at least once a week
6. How does screaming at the top of your lungs feel
7. Why do you hate us
8. Did you know that there is a park literally less than a quarter mile away from our complex
9. Have you ever heard of quiet reading time, or naps, or actually leaving your apartment to experience life
10. ARE YOU PLAYING JUMANJI
And just one question for those of you living in houses in quiet neighborhoods: do you want to switch
2. Who hurt you
3. Do you own any shoes that are not steel toed boots
4. Are you training for a marathon in your living room
5. Does your god punish you if you do not move all of the furniture in your apartment at least once a week
6. How does screaming at the top of your lungs feel
7. Why do you hate us
8. Did you know that there is a park literally less than a quarter mile away from our complex
9. Have you ever heard of quiet reading time, or naps, or actually leaving your apartment to experience life
10. ARE YOU PLAYING JUMANJI
And just one question for those of you living in houses in quiet neighborhoods: do you want to switch
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
10 Best Christmas Songs According To Me
So, I've been listening to Christmas radio since the week after Halloween. Nobody loves Christmas more than me, not that it makes me an expert, but it does. And since I'm sitting in an airport, listening to Christmas music and I only have like one day left, here's a definitive list of the best underappreciated songs. You're welcome.
1. Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas - sorry Jesus but the original Band Aid is like a super close second for God's greatest gift to the world. Bono, Duran Duran, Phil Collins, Sting, and George Michael all in one über dramatic, sickeningly fantastic song.
2. Judy Garland's Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - many people don't know that this song was written for the movie Meet Me In St. Louis, and the original lyrics are actually pretty forlorn and depressing. The reality is that Christmas can be a hard time for a lot of people who are really struggling with life, not just missing a lover like every other melancholy Christmas tune, and this song illustrates that beautifully.
3. The Carpenters' Merry Christmas Darling - can Christmas be complete without the sweet angel pipes of Karen Carpenter? No. The answer is no.
4. Josh Groban's O Holy Night - great for when you feel like sobbing in your car in a Walmart parking lot at 2 pm. You can make your argument for Celine Dion but 1. you know nothing and 2. JOSH GROBAN IS THE KING.
5. My Chemical Romance's All I Want For Christmas Is You - because Christmas, too, can be badass.
6. Donny Osmond's Mary Did You Know - you can't even find this one on iTunes, only YouTube. For you youngins who don't know the legend that is Donny Osmond, just know that he's the guy who sings I'll Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan, recently recognized in a Buzzfeed poll as THE GREATEST DISNEY SONG OF ALL TIME. And he is perfect.
7. Taylor Swift's Silent Night - she recorded this one back when she was still like 17 and country and the arrangement is painfully gorgeous. I've never heard Silent Night sound so pretty.
8. Amy Grant's Grown-Up Christmas List - also good if you want to quickly dehydrate yourself through your tear ducts.
9. Thurl Ravenscroft's You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch - not even really a Christmas song because there is literally no reference to anything remotely holiday-related in it? But is the funnest, Seussiest, tongue-twistiest song around.
and finally 10. Bob Rivers' The Most Fattening Time Of The Year - because when all else fails, parody.
Merry Christmas (Eve)!
1. Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas - sorry Jesus but the original Band Aid is like a super close second for God's greatest gift to the world. Bono, Duran Duran, Phil Collins, Sting, and George Michael all in one über dramatic, sickeningly fantastic song.
2. Judy Garland's Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - many people don't know that this song was written for the movie Meet Me In St. Louis, and the original lyrics are actually pretty forlorn and depressing. The reality is that Christmas can be a hard time for a lot of people who are really struggling with life, not just missing a lover like every other melancholy Christmas tune, and this song illustrates that beautifully.
3. The Carpenters' Merry Christmas Darling - can Christmas be complete without the sweet angel pipes of Karen Carpenter? No. The answer is no.
4. Josh Groban's O Holy Night - great for when you feel like sobbing in your car in a Walmart parking lot at 2 pm. You can make your argument for Celine Dion but 1. you know nothing and 2. JOSH GROBAN IS THE KING.
5. My Chemical Romance's All I Want For Christmas Is You - because Christmas, too, can be badass.
6. Donny Osmond's Mary Did You Know - you can't even find this one on iTunes, only YouTube. For you youngins who don't know the legend that is Donny Osmond, just know that he's the guy who sings I'll Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan, recently recognized in a Buzzfeed poll as THE GREATEST DISNEY SONG OF ALL TIME. And he is perfect.
7. Taylor Swift's Silent Night - she recorded this one back when she was still like 17 and country and the arrangement is painfully gorgeous. I've never heard Silent Night sound so pretty.
8. Amy Grant's Grown-Up Christmas List - also good if you want to quickly dehydrate yourself through your tear ducts.
9. Thurl Ravenscroft's You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch - not even really a Christmas song because there is literally no reference to anything remotely holiday-related in it? But is the funnest, Seussiest, tongue-twistiest song around.
and finally 10. Bob Rivers' The Most Fattening Time Of The Year - because when all else fails, parody.
Merry Christmas (Eve)!
Friday, October 24, 2014
A Comprehensive List of the Men Who Propelled My Pubescent Sexual Awakening
1. David Bowie in Labyrinth. Have you guys seen this movie??? This is one messed up movie. Like who in a production meeting was like "you know what would make a great addition to this family film? David Bowie, but he has to wear tights and six athletic cups." It was totally repulsive and mesmerizing at the same time. I remember in church one Sunday (I was probably 10 or 11?) I drew a picture of David Bowie's bulge and I think that was when we weren't allowed to watch Labyrinth anymore.
2. Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man. Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3. Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad. He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while. I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5. Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?) He had cool hair and a skateboard. BANG-A-RANG.
6. Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair. Learning so much about myself from this blog post. Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it. Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*
Cheers to all our childhood crushes. May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)
2. Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man. Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3. Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad. He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while. I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5. Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?) He had cool hair and a skateboard. BANG-A-RANG.
6. Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair. Learning so much about myself from this blog post. Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it. Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*
Cheers to all our childhood crushes. May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Shea's Declassified Halloween Survival Guide
1. Scary movies are much less scary if you mute them
2. Walking Dead and American Horror Story are both back on in less than a week #blessed
3. DON'T BUY WALMART COSTUMES
4. Have a pumpkin spice latte as often as possible (Chris says they contain a known carcinogenic but I'm just like LOL basic white girl to the death)
5. If you're going to any haunted things and you get scared, tuck your head in and just start throwing elbows
6. Bonus: if it's one of those tents in the mall parking lot you can literally just tear the Velcro edge of the tent open and climb out (personal experience)
7. A good way to troll someone you hate in your household is to buy one of those Exorcist Linda Blair animatronics from the Halloween store and set it up in their bed (not recommended for those with a history of heart problems) (Chris has joked about doing this to me, so if he is found dead in the next couple of weeks, you know what happened and I will be in Mexico)
8. I am not exactly the hugest Disneyland fan in the world, but if you're in the area and have a spare $50, they throw an awesome Halloween party. Family friendly, no lines for rides, dope fireworks show, sweet costumes everywhere (it's like a Halloween Comic-Con) and unlimited amounts of candy. You could literally fill up an entire wheelbarrow, per person
9. Actually pumpkin spice everything is great
10. If you don't like Halloween, who are you even
And here's a picture of me and my cat getting excited for everything
Happy October!
2. Walking Dead and American Horror Story are both back on in less than a week #blessed
3. DON'T BUY WALMART COSTUMES
4. Have a pumpkin spice latte as often as possible (Chris says they contain a known carcinogenic but I'm just like LOL basic white girl to the death)
5. If you're going to any haunted things and you get scared, tuck your head in and just start throwing elbows
6. Bonus: if it's one of those tents in the mall parking lot you can literally just tear the Velcro edge of the tent open and climb out (personal experience)
7. A good way to troll someone you hate in your household is to buy one of those Exorcist Linda Blair animatronics from the Halloween store and set it up in their bed (not recommended for those with a history of heart problems) (Chris has joked about doing this to me, so if he is found dead in the next couple of weeks, you know what happened and I will be in Mexico)
8. I am not exactly the hugest Disneyland fan in the world, but if you're in the area and have a spare $50, they throw an awesome Halloween party. Family friendly, no lines for rides, dope fireworks show, sweet costumes everywhere (it's like a Halloween Comic-Con) and unlimited amounts of candy. You could literally fill up an entire wheelbarrow, per person
9. Actually pumpkin spice everything is great
10. If you don't like Halloween, who are you even
And here's a picture of me and my cat getting excited for everything
Happy October!
Monday, August 25, 2014
On Depression
With the death of any celebrity, social media is bombarded with questions, grief, and all too often, extreme insensitivity. The death of Robin Williams, who was one of the architects of my childhood, brought to the forefront many theories (some innocent, some offensive) about depression and suicide. I'd like to join the people coming forward to talk about this.
I struggled with depression my junior year of high school. The reasons are jumbled and cloudy, even to me. I just remember feeling like I was suffocating in an heavy blanket of toxic smog. Everything was bleak and nobody noticed me and every menial task became a marathon. After several botched, half-hearted suicide attempts, I confessed in a fit of anger to my parents and they got me help. I saw a therapist, my personal angel, for about six months, and then I was okay.
I relapsed my sophomore year of college after a devastating breakup for about a month, eating half a granola bar a day, just enough to sustain life. I didn't want to die this time, I just wanted to make the boy pay for what he did when he'd find me in the hospital, and I wanted him to love me because I was skinny. This time it was a new set of loving roommates who pulled me out, and then I was okay.
Here's the thing about depression (excuse my language, family.) Depression is a lying, evil son of a bitch. Depression tells you you are alone when you're not. Depression tells you it's never gonna get better when the light is just around the corner. Depression is like bugs beneath your skin, like a loose cog banging around in your head. It's an itch, a clanging in your ears. You just want it to stop.
I'm lucky to have experienced my strongest bout of depression when I was still young and impressionable. I could still rewire my brain without years of therapy, especially because I hadn't lost a loved one, I hadn't been assaulted, I hadn't been kicked out of my school or my home, I wasn't on drugs. I didn't really have a reason to be depressed at all. I just, was. But no matter how trivial it may seem now, I can never dismiss what I went through simply as teenage angst or hunger for attention. It was very, very real, and very catastrophic, and very scary. And I almost lost my life, my sixteen year old life, to it.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes the situation changes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who takes such good care of me, a loving and supportive family, and a stable job most people would kill for. But I still have days sometimes when it feels like the sky is beginning to cave in and I can't breathe so easy and everything is just barreling toward me like a freight train. I think Sylvia Plath described it as the veil between days being lifted, and suddenly you're staring down an endless expanse of time, with nothing to distinguish any length from another. I just have to hope that there are little surprises behind the doors I open, and I take a deep breath and I keep walking. Some people fight the good fight for so long, and they just get tired. Every day they rage against the dying of the light, and they are some of the best, most beautiful people the world has ever known. But even the strongest person can't fight forever.
I'm not condoning suicide. But I am acknowledging the power of depression. I believe that, in almost all cases, professional help can really change the tides. I believe in the healing power of love and the redemption we can find when we turn our lives and our minds toward helping others, or just helping ourselves. The main things depression hates are understanding and numbers. The more we understand, and the more we reach out to friends and strangers and strengthen each other, the less depression wins. Nobody should ever have to fight alone. Let's beat this.
I struggled with depression my junior year of high school. The reasons are jumbled and cloudy, even to me. I just remember feeling like I was suffocating in an heavy blanket of toxic smog. Everything was bleak and nobody noticed me and every menial task became a marathon. After several botched, half-hearted suicide attempts, I confessed in a fit of anger to my parents and they got me help. I saw a therapist, my personal angel, for about six months, and then I was okay.
I relapsed my sophomore year of college after a devastating breakup for about a month, eating half a granola bar a day, just enough to sustain life. I didn't want to die this time, I just wanted to make the boy pay for what he did when he'd find me in the hospital, and I wanted him to love me because I was skinny. This time it was a new set of loving roommates who pulled me out, and then I was okay.
Here's the thing about depression (excuse my language, family.) Depression is a lying, evil son of a bitch. Depression tells you you are alone when you're not. Depression tells you it's never gonna get better when the light is just around the corner. Depression is like bugs beneath your skin, like a loose cog banging around in your head. It's an itch, a clanging in your ears. You just want it to stop.
I'm lucky to have experienced my strongest bout of depression when I was still young and impressionable. I could still rewire my brain without years of therapy, especially because I hadn't lost a loved one, I hadn't been assaulted, I hadn't been kicked out of my school or my home, I wasn't on drugs. I didn't really have a reason to be depressed at all. I just, was. But no matter how trivial it may seem now, I can never dismiss what I went through simply as teenage angst or hunger for attention. It was very, very real, and very catastrophic, and very scary. And I almost lost my life, my sixteen year old life, to it.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes the situation changes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who takes such good care of me, a loving and supportive family, and a stable job most people would kill for. But I still have days sometimes when it feels like the sky is beginning to cave in and I can't breathe so easy and everything is just barreling toward me like a freight train. I think Sylvia Plath described it as the veil between days being lifted, and suddenly you're staring down an endless expanse of time, with nothing to distinguish any length from another. I just have to hope that there are little surprises behind the doors I open, and I take a deep breath and I keep walking. Some people fight the good fight for so long, and they just get tired. Every day they rage against the dying of the light, and they are some of the best, most beautiful people the world has ever known. But even the strongest person can't fight forever.
I'm not condoning suicide. But I am acknowledging the power of depression. I believe that, in almost all cases, professional help can really change the tides. I believe in the healing power of love and the redemption we can find when we turn our lives and our minds toward helping others, or just helping ourselves. The main things depression hates are understanding and numbers. The more we understand, and the more we reach out to friends and strangers and strengthen each other, the less depression wins. Nobody should ever have to fight alone. Let's beat this.
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