So, I've been listening to Christmas radio since the week after Halloween. Nobody loves Christmas more than me, not that it makes me an expert, but it does. And since I'm sitting in an airport, listening to Christmas music and I only have like one day left, here's a definitive list of the best underappreciated songs. You're welcome.
1. Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas - sorry Jesus but the original Band Aid is like a super close second for God's greatest gift to the world. Bono, Duran Duran, Phil Collins, Sting, and George Michael all in one über dramatic, sickeningly fantastic song.
2. Judy Garland's Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - many people don't know that this song was written for the movie Meet Me In St. Louis, and the original lyrics are actually pretty forlorn and depressing. The reality is that Christmas can be a hard time for a lot of people who are really struggling with life, not just missing a lover like every other melancholy Christmas tune, and this song illustrates that beautifully.
3. The Carpenters' Merry Christmas Darling - can Christmas be complete without the sweet angel pipes of Karen Carpenter? No. The answer is no.
4. Josh Groban's O Holy Night - great for when you feel like sobbing in your car in a Walmart parking lot at 2 pm. You can make your argument for Celine Dion but 1. you know nothing and 2. JOSH GROBAN IS THE KING.
5. My Chemical Romance's All I Want For Christmas Is You - because Christmas, too, can be badass.
6. Donny Osmond's Mary Did You Know - you can't even find this one on iTunes, only YouTube. For you youngins who don't know the legend that is Donny Osmond, just know that he's the guy who sings I'll Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan, recently recognized in a Buzzfeed poll as THE GREATEST DISNEY SONG OF ALL TIME. And he is perfect.
7. Taylor Swift's Silent Night - she recorded this one back when she was still like 17 and country and the arrangement is painfully gorgeous. I've never heard Silent Night sound so pretty.
8. Amy Grant's Grown-Up Christmas List - also good if you want to quickly dehydrate yourself through your tear ducts.
9. Thurl Ravenscroft's You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch - not even really a Christmas song because there is literally no reference to anything remotely holiday-related in it? But is the funnest, Seussiest, tongue-twistiest song around.
and finally 10. Bob Rivers' The Most Fattening Time Of The Year - because when all else fails, parody.
Merry Christmas (Eve)!
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
A Comprehensive List of the Men Who Propelled My Pubescent Sexual Awakening
1. David Bowie in Labyrinth. Have you guys seen this movie??? This is one messed up movie. Like who in a production meeting was like "you know what would make a great addition to this family film? David Bowie, but he has to wear tights and six athletic cups." It was totally repulsive and mesmerizing at the same time. I remember in church one Sunday (I was probably 10 or 11?) I drew a picture of David Bowie's bulge and I think that was when we weren't allowed to watch Labyrinth anymore.
2. Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man. Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3. Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad. He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while. I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5. Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?) He had cool hair and a skateboard. BANG-A-RANG.
6. Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair. Learning so much about myself from this blog post. Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it. Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*
Cheers to all our childhood crushes. May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)
2. Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man. Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3. Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad. He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while. I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5. Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?) He had cool hair and a skateboard. BANG-A-RANG.
6. Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair. Learning so much about myself from this blog post. Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it. Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*
Cheers to all our childhood crushes. May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Shea's Declassified Halloween Survival Guide
1. Scary movies are much less scary if you mute them
2. Walking Dead and American Horror Story are both back on in less than a week #blessed
3. DON'T BUY WALMART COSTUMES
4. Have a pumpkin spice latte as often as possible (Chris says they contain a known carcinogenic but I'm just like LOL basic white girl to the death)
5. If you're going to any haunted things and you get scared, tuck your head in and just start throwing elbows
6. Bonus: if it's one of those tents in the mall parking lot you can literally just tear the Velcro edge of the tent open and climb out (personal experience)
7. A good way to troll someone you hate in your household is to buy one of those Exorcist Linda Blair animatronics from the Halloween store and set it up in their bed (not recommended for those with a history of heart problems) (Chris has joked about doing this to me, so if he is found dead in the next couple of weeks, you know what happened and I will be in Mexico)
8. I am not exactly the hugest Disneyland fan in the world, but if you're in the area and have a spare $50, they throw an awesome Halloween party. Family friendly, no lines for rides, dope fireworks show, sweet costumes everywhere (it's like a Halloween Comic-Con) and unlimited amounts of candy. You could literally fill up an entire wheelbarrow, per person
9. Actually pumpkin spice everything is great
10. If you don't like Halloween, who are you even
And here's a picture of me and my cat getting excited for everything
Happy October!
2. Walking Dead and American Horror Story are both back on in less than a week #blessed
3. DON'T BUY WALMART COSTUMES
4. Have a pumpkin spice latte as often as possible (Chris says they contain a known carcinogenic but I'm just like LOL basic white girl to the death)
5. If you're going to any haunted things and you get scared, tuck your head in and just start throwing elbows
6. Bonus: if it's one of those tents in the mall parking lot you can literally just tear the Velcro edge of the tent open and climb out (personal experience)
7. A good way to troll someone you hate in your household is to buy one of those Exorcist Linda Blair animatronics from the Halloween store and set it up in their bed (not recommended for those with a history of heart problems) (Chris has joked about doing this to me, so if he is found dead in the next couple of weeks, you know what happened and I will be in Mexico)
8. I am not exactly the hugest Disneyland fan in the world, but if you're in the area and have a spare $50, they throw an awesome Halloween party. Family friendly, no lines for rides, dope fireworks show, sweet costumes everywhere (it's like a Halloween Comic-Con) and unlimited amounts of candy. You could literally fill up an entire wheelbarrow, per person
9. Actually pumpkin spice everything is great
10. If you don't like Halloween, who are you even
And here's a picture of me and my cat getting excited for everything
Happy October!
Monday, August 25, 2014
On Depression
With the death of any celebrity, social media is bombarded with questions, grief, and all too often, extreme insensitivity. The death of Robin Williams, who was one of the architects of my childhood, brought to the forefront many theories (some innocent, some offensive) about depression and suicide. I'd like to join the people coming forward to talk about this.
I struggled with depression my junior year of high school. The reasons are jumbled and cloudy, even to me. I just remember feeling like I was suffocating in an heavy blanket of toxic smog. Everything was bleak and nobody noticed me and every menial task became a marathon. After several botched, half-hearted suicide attempts, I confessed in a fit of anger to my parents and they got me help. I saw a therapist, my personal angel, for about six months, and then I was okay.
I relapsed my sophomore year of college after a devastating breakup for about a month, eating half a granola bar a day, just enough to sustain life. I didn't want to die this time, I just wanted to make the boy pay for what he did when he'd find me in the hospital, and I wanted him to love me because I was skinny. This time it was a new set of loving roommates who pulled me out, and then I was okay.
Here's the thing about depression (excuse my language, family.) Depression is a lying, evil son of a bitch. Depression tells you you are alone when you're not. Depression tells you it's never gonna get better when the light is just around the corner. Depression is like bugs beneath your skin, like a loose cog banging around in your head. It's an itch, a clanging in your ears. You just want it to stop.
I'm lucky to have experienced my strongest bout of depression when I was still young and impressionable. I could still rewire my brain without years of therapy, especially because I hadn't lost a loved one, I hadn't been assaulted, I hadn't been kicked out of my school or my home, I wasn't on drugs. I didn't really have a reason to be depressed at all. I just, was. But no matter how trivial it may seem now, I can never dismiss what I went through simply as teenage angst or hunger for attention. It was very, very real, and very catastrophic, and very scary. And I almost lost my life, my sixteen year old life, to it.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes the situation changes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who takes such good care of me, a loving and supportive family, and a stable job most people would kill for. But I still have days sometimes when it feels like the sky is beginning to cave in and I can't breathe so easy and everything is just barreling toward me like a freight train. I think Sylvia Plath described it as the veil between days being lifted, and suddenly you're staring down an endless expanse of time, with nothing to distinguish any length from another. I just have to hope that there are little surprises behind the doors I open, and I take a deep breath and I keep walking. Some people fight the good fight for so long, and they just get tired. Every day they rage against the dying of the light, and they are some of the best, most beautiful people the world has ever known. But even the strongest person can't fight forever.
I'm not condoning suicide. But I am acknowledging the power of depression. I believe that, in almost all cases, professional help can really change the tides. I believe in the healing power of love and the redemption we can find when we turn our lives and our minds toward helping others, or just helping ourselves. The main things depression hates are understanding and numbers. The more we understand, and the more we reach out to friends and strangers and strengthen each other, the less depression wins. Nobody should ever have to fight alone. Let's beat this.
I struggled with depression my junior year of high school. The reasons are jumbled and cloudy, even to me. I just remember feeling like I was suffocating in an heavy blanket of toxic smog. Everything was bleak and nobody noticed me and every menial task became a marathon. After several botched, half-hearted suicide attempts, I confessed in a fit of anger to my parents and they got me help. I saw a therapist, my personal angel, for about six months, and then I was okay.
I relapsed my sophomore year of college after a devastating breakup for about a month, eating half a granola bar a day, just enough to sustain life. I didn't want to die this time, I just wanted to make the boy pay for what he did when he'd find me in the hospital, and I wanted him to love me because I was skinny. This time it was a new set of loving roommates who pulled me out, and then I was okay.
Here's the thing about depression (excuse my language, family.) Depression is a lying, evil son of a bitch. Depression tells you you are alone when you're not. Depression tells you it's never gonna get better when the light is just around the corner. Depression is like bugs beneath your skin, like a loose cog banging around in your head. It's an itch, a clanging in your ears. You just want it to stop.
I'm lucky to have experienced my strongest bout of depression when I was still young and impressionable. I could still rewire my brain without years of therapy, especially because I hadn't lost a loved one, I hadn't been assaulted, I hadn't been kicked out of my school or my home, I wasn't on drugs. I didn't really have a reason to be depressed at all. I just, was. But no matter how trivial it may seem now, I can never dismiss what I went through simply as teenage angst or hunger for attention. It was very, very real, and very catastrophic, and very scary. And I almost lost my life, my sixteen year old life, to it.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes the situation changes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who takes such good care of me, a loving and supportive family, and a stable job most people would kill for. But I still have days sometimes when it feels like the sky is beginning to cave in and I can't breathe so easy and everything is just barreling toward me like a freight train. I think Sylvia Plath described it as the veil between days being lifted, and suddenly you're staring down an endless expanse of time, with nothing to distinguish any length from another. I just have to hope that there are little surprises behind the doors I open, and I take a deep breath and I keep walking. Some people fight the good fight for so long, and they just get tired. Every day they rage against the dying of the light, and they are some of the best, most beautiful people the world has ever known. But even the strongest person can't fight forever.
I'm not condoning suicide. But I am acknowledging the power of depression. I believe that, in almost all cases, professional help can really change the tides. I believe in the healing power of love and the redemption we can find when we turn our lives and our minds toward helping others, or just helping ourselves. The main things depression hates are understanding and numbers. The more we understand, and the more we reach out to friends and strangers and strengthen each other, the less depression wins. Nobody should ever have to fight alone. Let's beat this.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Chris watches The Fellowship of the Ring
I showed my boyfriend The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time in his adult life. Here's what happened.
Chris: See how nervous Bilbo is around Gandalf? He's totally wanting Gandalf's staff. If you know what I'm saying.
Me: You know Ian McKellen is gay in real life.
Chris: CALLED IT.
Chris: What are they smoking here?
Me: I... I don't know. I never thought about it before.
Chris: Bilbo is totally stoned. Gandalf brought him some of that OG Shire kush. That's what's up.
Chris: See, it always annoyed me when the hobbits danced.
Me: You're such a joyless person.
Chris: Oh look, the lead singer of Aerosmith's daughter!!
Chris: Why did all you girls always have crushes on Legolas?
Me: I don't know. He was kinda sensitive, soft-spoken, light of foot. Probably a generous lover. Now that I think about he was pretty femmey.
Chris: His hair is way better than yours! You wouldn't be able to take him anywhere!
Chris: Isn't it ironic that this Solomon-
Me: Sauroman.
Chris: -guy is totally lusting after the ring cuz it would make him live longer but in real life the actor died?
Me: You're thinking of Dumbledore.
(at least 6 times during the movie)
Chris: I don't know what any of you guys are saying.
(Frodo offers Galadriel the ring and she turns into some crazy witch monster)
Chris: Well now you CAN'T have it, b****.
Chris: Merry and Pippin are the Jar Jar Binks of The Lord of the Rings.
Chris: You're telling me that orcs are supposed to be like these crazy fighters and Aragon-
Me: Aragorn.
Chris: -defeated like fifty of them by himself? This movie is crazy.
Chris: Is that a semi honking?
Me: That's the horn of Gondor!!
(Two hours after the movie)
Chris: I thought of Bilbo's gay porn name.
Me: Don't.
Have a #blessed day, everyone.
Chris: See how nervous Bilbo is around Gandalf? He's totally wanting Gandalf's staff. If you know what I'm saying.
Me: You know Ian McKellen is gay in real life.
Chris: CALLED IT.
Chris: What are they smoking here?
Me: I... I don't know. I never thought about it before.
Chris: Bilbo is totally stoned. Gandalf brought him some of that OG Shire kush. That's what's up.
Chris: See, it always annoyed me when the hobbits danced.
Me: You're such a joyless person.
Chris: Oh look, the lead singer of Aerosmith's daughter!!
Chris: Why did all you girls always have crushes on Legolas?
Me: I don't know. He was kinda sensitive, soft-spoken, light of foot. Probably a generous lover. Now that I think about he was pretty femmey.
Chris: His hair is way better than yours! You wouldn't be able to take him anywhere!
Chris: Isn't it ironic that this Solomon-
Me: Sauroman.
Chris: -guy is totally lusting after the ring cuz it would make him live longer but in real life the actor died?
Me: You're thinking of Dumbledore.
(at least 6 times during the movie)
Chris: I don't know what any of you guys are saying.
(Frodo offers Galadriel the ring and she turns into some crazy witch monster)
Chris: Well now you CAN'T have it, b****.
Chris: Merry and Pippin are the Jar Jar Binks of The Lord of the Rings.
Chris: You're telling me that orcs are supposed to be like these crazy fighters and Aragon-
Me: Aragorn.
Chris: -defeated like fifty of them by himself? This movie is crazy.
Chris: Is that a semi honking?
Me: That's the horn of Gondor!!
(Two hours after the movie)
Chris: I thought of Bilbo's gay porn name.
Me: Don't.
Have a #blessed day, everyone.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
8 simple reasons to live in Southern California
1. purple trees (don't even know what these are called but they are gorgeous and everywhere)
2. Disneyland at day
3. Disneyland at night (if you live on the top floor of any complex within ten miles congratulations, free fireworks every night)
4. you can have Famous Dave's at the pier (!!!!)
5. sunset beach skateboarding
6. 24 HR SPRINKLES CUPCAKES ATM
7. slater's 50/50, the holy grail of all burger joints
8. and Disneyland's caprese sandwich and kettle chips, off which I basically subsist
and that's been my summer so far.
promise to write soon!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Attn: Movie Lovers
Last day of tax season. No brain power to write anything clever or inspiring.
Instead, let's get inspired by watching some documentaries. Here are some I recommend (excluding like the 20+ I've watched about serial killers). They're all artistic and smart and totally compelling and none of that boring National Geographic crap. They're all on Netflix and I'm guessing some are on Amazon Prime and if you don't have either of these things I don't know what you're doing with your life.
1. Mortified Nation - about a stand-up comedy style stage show with chapters across the U.S. at which people read passages from their own adolescent diaries. Not recommended if you're easily offended by childhood usage of extremely hilarious foul language or occasional pre-pubescent sexual curiosities. Otherwise, it's hysterical, beautifully composited, and touching.
2. The Woman Who Wasn't There - about the nation's most infamous 9/11 survivor. Not a depressing 9/11 doc at all, don't worry, but it will BLOW YOU AWAY.
3. Tent City - about a homeless community in Nashville. Also not depressing, but that being said, prepare to feel so, so ashamed. Homeless people are still people, and as a shirt sported in the film reminds us, "Jesus was homeless."
4. Monica and David - about the marriage and lives of two Down syndrome adults. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will squeal "that's so cute" about a million times.
5. Narco Cultura - for the strong-stomached only. Spoiler alert, YOU WILL NEVER GO TO MEXICO AGAIN.
6. Blackfish - okay, so we've all seen Blackfish. But seriously, if you haven't seen Blackfish, just freakin SEE Blackfish.
7. Dogtown and Z-Boys - the real-life version of Lords of Dogtown, actually directed by one of the original Z-Boys. Just makes you want to be a surfing and skateboarding teenager in Venice Beach in the 70s so, so bad.
EDUCATE YOURSELVES, AMERICA
and happy tax day!
Instead, let's get inspired by watching some documentaries. Here are some I recommend (excluding like the 20+ I've watched about serial killers). They're all artistic and smart and totally compelling and none of that boring National Geographic crap. They're all on Netflix and I'm guessing some are on Amazon Prime and if you don't have either of these things I don't know what you're doing with your life.
1. Mortified Nation - about a stand-up comedy style stage show with chapters across the U.S. at which people read passages from their own adolescent diaries. Not recommended if you're easily offended by childhood usage of extremely hilarious foul language or occasional pre-pubescent sexual curiosities. Otherwise, it's hysterical, beautifully composited, and touching.
2. The Woman Who Wasn't There - about the nation's most infamous 9/11 survivor. Not a depressing 9/11 doc at all, don't worry, but it will BLOW YOU AWAY.
3. Tent City - about a homeless community in Nashville. Also not depressing, but that being said, prepare to feel so, so ashamed. Homeless people are still people, and as a shirt sported in the film reminds us, "Jesus was homeless."
4. Monica and David - about the marriage and lives of two Down syndrome adults. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will squeal "that's so cute" about a million times.
5. Narco Cultura - for the strong-stomached only. Spoiler alert, YOU WILL NEVER GO TO MEXICO AGAIN.
6. Blackfish - okay, so we've all seen Blackfish. But seriously, if you haven't seen Blackfish, just freakin SEE Blackfish.
7. Dogtown and Z-Boys - the real-life version of Lords of Dogtown, actually directed by one of the original Z-Boys. Just makes you want to be a surfing and skateboarding teenager in Venice Beach in the 70s so, so bad.
EDUCATE YOURSELVES, AMERICA
and happy tax day!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Choice: Happiness
I don't know about you guys, but my life is pretty stressful. Like, I have two jobs and a boyfriend and a business finance class (ick) which if I pass will lead to my readmission to a CSU in the fall (double ick) and rent to pay and The Walking Dead to catch up on and hamsters to feed and friends to flake on and SO MUCH STRESS. I'm being a little overdramatic, but you get it. Here are some thoughts and examples of finding "happy places" that I was thinking over earlier.
1. It doesn't have to be a PHYSICAL place, so
2. a TV show. The Pokémon animated series is now on Netflix, FYI, and I'm pretty sure they can never take Family Guy away from us.
3. a song or album. If you don't have one, try John Mayer's Stop This Train. All of his music is generally soothing, but this song will change everything. Trust me.
4. a food? Really though, as fat as that sounds, sometimes things can be fixed simply with an entire box of Kraft mac n' cheese all for yourself or a tub of Ben and Jerry's or a box of Girl Scout cookies. Bonus points for nostalgia: eating something you liked when you were a kid or had on a particularly happy occasion is the BEST.
5. okay, a physical place too; mine include a park bench at Venice Beach, the zoo, the animation studios in Disney California Adventure, and Sprinkles Cupcakes, to name a few. The best one is home. I'm fortunate to have two that make me very happy, my cozy little Anaheim apartment and my warm, beautiful Salida home. If your home isn't one of your happy places, you're doing something wrong.
and 6. my favorite, a memory. Because you can't always put headphones on or run to the grocery store or spend a day in bed watching movies. Memories can't be taken away or corrupted, unless we alter them ourselves. When they're bad memories, sometimes that's the only way to cope. But the good ones, the good ones can be a light on our darkest days. The ones in which you're sitting in your living room with your family, watching Modern Family and eating chocolate cake, your dog asleep with her head in your lap. The ones in which you take a quiet, warm-weather evening walk and come home with a handful of lilacs and some pure, honest poetry. The ones in which you and your best friend get lost floating down the river and walk what might be three hours to get back to the truck, sunburnt and dusty and stomachs sore from laughing. The one in which a trusted friend, grown from high school emo companion to beautiful, independent woman, is walking down the aisle to Weezer's Island In The Sun, and he's holding you close and quietly singing the words in your ear, and at that EXACT moment you know you could never be happier with anyone else, and that you can't wait for the day when you're the one walking down the aisle and he's the one standing at the end of it, beaming back at you.
These are my happy places. It's hard to share them with you, because they're mine and none of you will ever see them like I did. But I hope they help you find your own. Happiness is a right. You deserve it.
1. It doesn't have to be a PHYSICAL place, so
2. a TV show. The Pokémon animated series is now on Netflix, FYI, and I'm pretty sure they can never take Family Guy away from us.
3. a song or album. If you don't have one, try John Mayer's Stop This Train. All of his music is generally soothing, but this song will change everything. Trust me.
4. a food? Really though, as fat as that sounds, sometimes things can be fixed simply with an entire box of Kraft mac n' cheese all for yourself or a tub of Ben and Jerry's or a box of Girl Scout cookies. Bonus points for nostalgia: eating something you liked when you were a kid or had on a particularly happy occasion is the BEST.
5. okay, a physical place too; mine include a park bench at Venice Beach, the zoo, the animation studios in Disney California Adventure, and Sprinkles Cupcakes, to name a few. The best one is home. I'm fortunate to have two that make me very happy, my cozy little Anaheim apartment and my warm, beautiful Salida home. If your home isn't one of your happy places, you're doing something wrong.
and 6. my favorite, a memory. Because you can't always put headphones on or run to the grocery store or spend a day in bed watching movies. Memories can't be taken away or corrupted, unless we alter them ourselves. When they're bad memories, sometimes that's the only way to cope. But the good ones, the good ones can be a light on our darkest days. The ones in which you're sitting in your living room with your family, watching Modern Family and eating chocolate cake, your dog asleep with her head in your lap. The ones in which you take a quiet, warm-weather evening walk and come home with a handful of lilacs and some pure, honest poetry. The ones in which you and your best friend get lost floating down the river and walk what might be three hours to get back to the truck, sunburnt and dusty and stomachs sore from laughing. The one in which a trusted friend, grown from high school emo companion to beautiful, independent woman, is walking down the aisle to Weezer's Island In The Sun, and he's holding you close and quietly singing the words in your ear, and at that EXACT moment you know you could never be happier with anyone else, and that you can't wait for the day when you're the one walking down the aisle and he's the one standing at the end of it, beaming back at you.
These are my happy places. It's hard to share them with you, because they're mine and none of you will ever see them like I did. But I hope they help you find your own. Happiness is a right. You deserve it.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
January's baaaack
I started making New Years resolutions when I was probably like 8 years old. I don't know. I like lists and the idea was so romanticized that my little innocent brain didn't know any better. I remember scribbling something on a napkin in a restaurant in San Diego and hiding it in the pocket of my denim Barbie jumper because if I told my family it wouldn't come true (that's how New Years resolutions work, right?) Anyway, no one tells you how hard it gets to write them as an adult. Teenage me had it the easiest. I don't really remember my lists but here are some examples of things I imagine may have been included:
1. Stay skinny!
2. Don't fail algebra again
3. Tell Jack Cooke from drama that you love him (now you know, Jack Cooke)
4. See My Chemical Romance in concert (okay, this is still on my list as an adult, moving on)
5. Become famous!
Really though. That's what it was like. Now things are so different. For some adults the lists are probably really long and involve a lot of money spent. I don't really know how I'm going to pay my rent next month, let alone go see a concert in Vegas or travel to France. I can't afford a personal trainer or a new car. "Becoming famous" is no longer this magnificent sugary dream where like a fiery limo chariot driven by Jesus of Nazareth and Johnny Cash just picks me up outside a Walmart and asks if I want to be a rockstar. Now, now that things are a little hard and a little jaded and a little broken, reality is what drives my resolve.
So as I sit here eating my Easy-Mac and Dr. Pepper last supper, because would it KILL me to prepare a meal that requires more than ten minutes in the kitchen, I focus on just controlling and changing the little things I can. It would probably be good if I resolved to always brush my teeth before falling asleep. I could probably manage to not get a ticket this year, and not to intentionally crash my car. I could probably not get addicted to heroin or resort to exotic dancing to pay the bills. I could MAYBE go for a run every other week without dying (although the results haven't come back from the lab on that one yet. Standby until swimsuit season). There are a few others brewing in my brain but I think that's probably enough for this year. Instead of wasting a ton of money, time and energy on goals we most likely will never reach, let us spend our time cultivating good karma, loving each other, singing Abba in the car and just holding out until tomorrow. Tomorrow, be it the first of January or the 23rd of August, is where your new life starts. Tomorrow will always be better.
1. Stay skinny!
2. Don't fail algebra again
3. Tell Jack Cooke from drama that you love him (now you know, Jack Cooke)
4. See My Chemical Romance in concert (okay, this is still on my list as an adult, moving on)
5. Become famous!
Really though. That's what it was like. Now things are so different. For some adults the lists are probably really long and involve a lot of money spent. I don't really know how I'm going to pay my rent next month, let alone go see a concert in Vegas or travel to France. I can't afford a personal trainer or a new car. "Becoming famous" is no longer this magnificent sugary dream where like a fiery limo chariot driven by Jesus of Nazareth and Johnny Cash just picks me up outside a Walmart and asks if I want to be a rockstar. Now, now that things are a little hard and a little jaded and a little broken, reality is what drives my resolve.
So as I sit here eating my Easy-Mac and Dr. Pepper last supper, because would it KILL me to prepare a meal that requires more than ten minutes in the kitchen, I focus on just controlling and changing the little things I can. It would probably be good if I resolved to always brush my teeth before falling asleep. I could probably manage to not get a ticket this year, and not to intentionally crash my car. I could probably not get addicted to heroin or resort to exotic dancing to pay the bills. I could MAYBE go for a run every other week without dying (although the results haven't come back from the lab on that one yet. Standby until swimsuit season). There are a few others brewing in my brain but I think that's probably enough for this year. Instead of wasting a ton of money, time and energy on goals we most likely will never reach, let us spend our time cultivating good karma, loving each other, singing Abba in the car and just holding out until tomorrow. Tomorrow, be it the first of January or the 23rd of August, is where your new life starts. Tomorrow will always be better.
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