New Site!

HIIIIIII *awkward smile emoji*

Just here to let you know (if anyone still checks up on this blog, which would be terribly shocking) that I've moved over to a new site, https://sheajulie.wordpress.com/. It's nothing too exciting, and some of my old content does make an appearance, but it's a cleaner setup that I can use for portfolio purposes. And you will find new posts going up several times a month! Yay!

Catch you on the flippity flip!

Hipster: A Semi-Autobiographical Essay

My name is Shea and I have a confession to make. 

I don't want to be a hipster anymore. 

I don't want to spend hours matching my hat to my vintage rings to my flash tattoos to my boots to my Free People kimono. I don't want to spend a week's paycheck on Lush products and photograph them with my VSCO Cam app on my all-white bedding to prove I live in Southern California and have great skin. I don't want to post a sarcastic tweet every time Starbucks spells my name on my cup wrong. I don't want to meticulously coordinate all of my Instagram photos to have the same rosy Lauren Conrad tint. I don't want to curate a vinyl collection larger than the one that's been sitting in my grandparents' attic for thirty years. I don't want to spend ten minutes every day drawing on the perfect eyebrow that says "I care about Hollywood beauty standards, but not enough to use waxes that aren't animal-cruelty free." I don't want to profess a profound yearning for spirituality while refusing to commit to any moral code that requires personal accountability. I don't want to be the face of the "cultural appropriation" article on Wikipedia, and I don't want to wear any more Native American headdresses or sparkly bindis. I don't want to post an angry vlog about freeing the nipple. I don't want to go broke shopping exclusively at upscale consignment shops and farmers' markets. I DON'T WANT TO PRETEND TO LIKE NASTYGAL ANYMORE. 

I dream of an America where I can be free to like things without irony. A land where men are not judged by the thickness of their beard, nor the silkiness of their man bun. I want to go grocery shopping in my Costco-brand Uggs and Pink sweatpants. I want to eat at gloriously cheap, high fructose corn syrup-saturated chain restaurants instead of bland, health conscious vegan cafes with strict Birkenstock-and-mom-jeans dress codes. I want to eat at McDonald's because maybe I don't care that everything isn't cage free or grass fed or genetically unmodified. Maybe I just want to eat at McDonald's because their chicken mcnuggets are DAMN GOOD. I want to like things that everyone else likes, like Taylor Swift and pumpkin spice lattes and trashy reality TV and Kevin James movies. I want to see bands AFTER they're already famous. I want to buy shoes from places where the proceeds don't go to charity without fear of reprobation. I want to live free of high-waisted-short-induced cameltoes. This is my dream. 

Oh teens and wannabe teens of this golden nation, when can we be free of Bettie Page bangs? Of the overwhelming need to feel unique paired with the crushing pressure to fit in? When can we admit we're all pretty basic? And when will you guys all find something new to become so I can go back to being hipster?

10 QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS

1. How was your childhood
2. Who hurt you
3. Do you own any shoes that are not steel toed boots
4. Are you training for a marathon in your living room
5. Does your god punish you if you do not move all of the furniture in your apartment at least once a week
6. How does screaming at the top of your lungs feel
7. Why do you hate us
8. Did you know that there is a park literally less than a quarter mile away from our complex
9. Have you ever heard of quiet reading time, or naps, or actually leaving your apartment to experience life
10. ARE YOU PLAYING JUMANJI

And just one question for those of you living in houses in quiet neighborhoods: do you want to switch

10 Best Christmas Songs According To Me

So, I've been listening to Christmas radio since the week after Halloween. Nobody loves Christmas more than me, not that it makes me an expert, but it does. And since I'm sitting in an airport, listening to Christmas music and I only have like one day left, here's a definitive list of the best underappreciated songs. You're welcome.

1. Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas - sorry Jesus but the original Band Aid is like a super close second for God's greatest gift to the world. Bono, Duran Duran, Phil Collins, Sting, and George Michael all in one über dramatic, sickeningly fantastic song.
2. Judy Garland's Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - many people don't know that this song was written for the movie Meet Me In St. Louis, and the original lyrics are actually pretty forlorn and depressing. The reality is that Christmas can be a hard time for a lot of people who are really struggling with life, not just missing a lover like every other melancholy Christmas tune, and this song illustrates that beautifully.
3. The Carpenters' Merry Christmas Darling - can Christmas be complete without the sweet angel pipes of Karen Carpenter? No. The answer is no.
4. Josh Groban's O Holy Night - great for when you feel like sobbing in your car in a Walmart parking lot at 2 pm. You can make your argument for Celine Dion but 1. you know nothing and 2. JOSH GROBAN IS THE KING.
5. My Chemical Romance's All I Want For Christmas Is You - because Christmas, too, can be badass.
6. Donny Osmond's Mary Did You Know - you can't even find this one on iTunes, only YouTube. For you youngins who don't know the legend that is Donny Osmond, just know that he's the guy who sings I'll Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan, recently recognized in a Buzzfeed poll as THE GREATEST DISNEY SONG OF ALL TIME. And he is perfect.
7. Taylor Swift's Silent Night - she recorded this one back when she was still like 17 and country and the arrangement is painfully gorgeous. I've never heard Silent Night sound so pretty.
8. Amy Grant's Grown-Up Christmas List - also good if you want to quickly dehydrate yourself through your tear ducts.
9. Thurl Ravenscroft's You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch - not even really a Christmas song because there is literally no reference to anything remotely holiday-related in it? But is the funnest, Seussiest, tongue-twistiest song around.
and finally 10.  Bob Rivers' The Most Fattening Time Of The Year - because when all else fails, parody.

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

A Comprehensive List of the Men Who Propelled My Pubescent Sexual Awakening

1. David Bowie in Labyrinth. Have you guys seen this movie??? This is one messed up movie. Like who in a production meeting was like "you know what would make a great addition to this family film? David Bowie, but he has to wear tights and six athletic cups."  It was totally repulsive and mesmerizing at the same time.  I remember in church one Sunday (I was probably 10 or 11?) I drew a picture of David Bowie's bulge and I think that was when we weren't allowed to watch Labyrinth anymore.
2.  Dmitri from Anastasia (yes, an animated character) was just sexy as hell. Something about the hair, the rolled up sleeves, the roguish indifference and bitterness from a hard life as a con man.  Also we all fantasized that we were princesses separated from our royal families at a young age so this movie in general was just great.
3.  Captain Jack Sparrow. We would have all lost our imaginary virginities to Jack Sparrow, if we're being honest. Guy liner never looked so, so good.
4. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, apparently. This one confuses me because now I look at him and feel literally no attraction, but ten year old Shea had it bad.  He was my imaginary friend and I created all these fantasies that before I fell asleep at night he would transport me to him with his Jedi mind powers and he would train me in the ways of the force and then we'd make out for a while.  I've included an original diary entry of mine to prove this.
5.  Rufio from Hook (again with the bad boys; I should probably mention this to a therapist?)  He had cool hair and a skateboard.  BANG-A-RANG.
6.  Yu-Gi-Oh - it should probably be noted by now that I was exclusively attracted to men with really, really dope hair.  Learning so much about myself from this blog post.  Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh! never got as big as Pokémon because it was like pretty dark and creepy but I was way into it.  Still have a full, near-mint condition deck in my closet at home, complete with a *~holographic Dark Magician~*

Cheers to all our childhood crushes.  May they never turn out to be crazy, egotistical, career-destroying cokeheads (looking at you, Shia Labeouf and Justin Bieber fans)

Shea's Declassified Halloween Survival Guide

1.  Scary movies are much less scary if you mute them
2.  Walking Dead and American Horror Story are both back on in less than a week #blessed
3.  DON'T BUY WALMART COSTUMES
4.  Have a pumpkin spice latte as often as possible (Chris says they contain a known carcinogenic but I'm just like LOL basic white girl to the death)
5.  If you're going to any haunted things and you get scared, tuck your head in and just start throwing elbows
6.  Bonus: if it's one of those tents in the mall parking lot you can literally just tear the Velcro edge of the tent open and climb out (personal experience)
7.  A good way to troll someone you hate in your household is to buy one of those Exorcist Linda Blair animatronics from the Halloween store and set it up in their bed (not recommended for those with a history of heart problems) (Chris has joked about doing this to me, so if he is found dead in the next couple of weeks, you know what happened and I will be in Mexico)
8.  I am not exactly the hugest Disneyland fan in the world, but if you're in the area and have a spare $50, they throw an awesome Halloween party.  Family friendly, no lines for rides, dope fireworks show, sweet costumes everywhere (it's like a Halloween Comic-Con) and unlimited amounts of candy.  You could literally fill up an entire wheelbarrow, per person
9.  Actually pumpkin spice everything is great
10.  If you don't like Halloween, who are you even

And here's a picture of me and my cat getting excited for everything

Happy October!

On Depression

With the death of any celebrity, social media is bombarded with questions, grief, and all too often, extreme insensitivity. The death of Robin Williams, who was one of the architects of my childhood, brought to the forefront many theories (some innocent, some offensive) about depression and suicide.  I'd like to join the people coming forward to talk about this. 
I struggled with depression my junior year of high school.  The reasons are jumbled and cloudy, even to me. I just remember feeling like I was suffocating in an heavy blanket of toxic smog. Everything was bleak and nobody noticed me and every menial task became a marathon. After several botched, half-hearted suicide attempts, I confessed in a fit of anger to my parents and they got me help. I saw a therapist, my personal angel, for about six months, and then I was okay. 
I relapsed my sophomore year of college after a devastating breakup for about a month, eating half a granola bar a day, just enough to sustain life.   I didn't want to die this time, I just wanted to make the boy pay for what he did when he'd find me in the hospital, and I wanted him to love me because I was skinny.  This time it was a new set of loving roommates who pulled me out, and then I was okay.
Here's the thing about depression (excuse my language, family.)  Depression is a lying, evil son of a bitch. Depression tells you you are alone when you're not. Depression tells you it's never gonna get better when the light is just around the corner. Depression is like bugs beneath your skin, like a loose cog banging around in your head.  It's an itch, a clanging in your ears.  You just want it to stop.
I'm lucky to have experienced my strongest bout of depression when I was still young and impressionable. I could still rewire my brain without years of therapy, especially because I hadn't lost a loved one, I hadn't been assaulted, I hadn't been kicked out of my school or my home, I wasn't on drugs.  I didn't really have a reason to be depressed at all.  I just, was.  But no matter how trivial it may seem now, I can never dismiss what I went through simply as teenage angst or hunger for attention. It was very, very real, and very catastrophic, and very scary.  And I almost lost my life, my sixteen year old life, to it.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things get better. Sometimes the situation changes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who takes such good care of me, a loving and supportive family, and a stable job most people would kill for.  But I still have days sometimes when it feels like the sky is beginning to cave in and I can't breathe so easy and everything is just barreling toward me like a freight train.  I think Sylvia Plath described it as the veil between days being lifted, and suddenly you're staring down an endless expanse of time, with nothing to distinguish any length from another.  I just have to hope that there are little surprises behind the doors I open, and I take a deep breath and I keep walking.  Some people fight the good fight for so long, and they just get tired.  Every day they rage against the dying of the light, and they are some of the best, most beautiful people the world has ever known.  But even the strongest person can't fight forever.
I'm not condoning suicide.  But I am acknowledging the power of depression.  I believe that, in almost all cases, professional help can really change the tides.  I believe in the healing power of love and the redemption we can find when we turn our lives and our minds toward helping others, or just helping ourselves.  The main things depression hates are understanding and numbers.  The more we understand, and the more we reach out to friends and strangers and strengthen each other, the less depression wins.  Nobody should ever have to fight alone.  Let's beat this.

Chris watches The Fellowship of the Ring

I showed my boyfriend The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time in his adult life. Here's what happened.


Chris: See how nervous Bilbo is around Gandalf? He's totally wanting Gandalf's staff. If you know what I'm saying.
Me: You know Ian McKellen is gay in real life.
Chris: CALLED IT.

Chris: What are they smoking here?
Me: I... I don't know. I never thought about it before.
Chris: Bilbo is totally stoned. Gandalf brought him some of that OG Shire kush. That's what's up.

Chris: See, it always annoyed me when the hobbits danced.
Me: You're such a joyless person.

Chris: Oh look, the lead singer of Aerosmith's daughter!!

Chris: Why did all you girls always have crushes on Legolas?
Me: I don't know. He was kinda sensitive, soft-spoken, light of foot. Probably a generous lover. Now that I think about he was pretty femmey.
Chris: His hair is way better than yours! You wouldn't be able to take him anywhere!

Chris: Isn't it ironic that this Solomon-
Me: Sauroman.
Chris: -guy is totally lusting after the ring cuz it would make him live longer but in real life the actor died?
Me: You're thinking of Dumbledore.

(at least 6 times during the movie)
Chris: I don't know what any of you guys are saying.

(Frodo offers Galadriel the ring and she turns into some crazy witch monster)
Chris: Well now you CAN'T have it, b****.

Chris: Merry and Pippin are the Jar Jar Binks of The Lord of the Rings.

Chris: You're telling me that orcs are supposed to be like these crazy fighters and Aragon-
Me: Aragorn.
Chris: -defeated like fifty of them by himself? This movie is crazy.

Chris: Is that a semi honking?
Me: That's the horn of Gondor!!

(Two hours after the movie)
Chris: I thought of Bilbo's gay porn name.
Me: Don't.


Have a #blessed day, everyone.

8 simple reasons to live in Southern California

 

1. purple trees (don't even know what these are called but they are gorgeous and everywhere)

 

2.  Disneyland at day

 

3. Disneyland at night (if you live on the top floor of any complex within ten miles congratulations, free fireworks every night)

 

4. you can have Famous Dave's at the pier (!!!!)

 

5. sunset beach skateboarding

 

6. 24 HR SPRINKLES CUPCAKES ATM

 

7. slater's 50/50, the holy grail of all burger joints

 

8. and Disneyland's caprese sandwich and kettle chips, off which I basically subsist

 

and that's been my summer so far.

promise to write soon!

Attn: Movie Lovers

Last day of tax season.  No brain power to write anything clever or inspiring.

Instead, let's get inspired by watching some documentaries.  Here are some I recommend (excluding like the 20+ I've watched about serial killers).  They're all artistic and smart and totally compelling and none of that boring National Geographic crap.  They're all on Netflix and I'm guessing some are on Amazon Prime and if you don't have either of these things I don't know what you're doing with your life.

1.  Mortified Nation - about a stand-up comedy style stage show with chapters across the U.S. at which people read passages from their own adolescent diaries.  Not recommended if you're easily offended by childhood usage of extremely hilarious foul language or occasional pre-pubescent sexual curiosities.  Otherwise, it's hysterical, beautifully composited, and touching.

2.  The Woman Who Wasn't There - about the nation's most infamous 9/11 survivor.  Not a depressing 9/11 doc at all, don't worry, but it will BLOW YOU AWAY.

3.  Tent City - about a homeless community in Nashville.  Also not depressing, but that being said, prepare to feel so, so ashamed.  Homeless people are still people, and as a shirt sported in the film reminds us, "Jesus was homeless."

4.  Monica and David - about the marriage and lives of two Down syndrome adults.  You will laugh, you will cry, and you will squeal "that's so cute" about a million times.

5.  Narco Cultura - for the strong-stomached only.  Spoiler alert, YOU WILL NEVER GO TO MEXICO AGAIN.

6.  Blackfish - okay, so we've all seen Blackfish.  But seriously, if you haven't seen Blackfish, just freakin SEE Blackfish.

7.  Dogtown and Z-Boys - the real-life version of Lords of Dogtown, actually directed by one of the original Z-Boys.  Just makes you want to be a surfing and skateboarding teenager in Venice Beach in the 70s so, so bad.

EDUCATE YOURSELVES, AMERICA

and happy tax day!


    

Choice: Happiness

I don't know about you guys, but my life is pretty stressful.  Like, I have two jobs and a boyfriend and a business finance class (ick) which if I pass will lead to my readmission to a CSU in the fall (double ick) and rent to pay and The Walking Dead to catch up on and hamsters to feed and friends to flake on and SO MUCH STRESS.  I'm being a little overdramatic, but you get it.  Here are some thoughts and examples of finding "happy places" that I was thinking over earlier.

1. It doesn't have to be a PHYSICAL place, so
2. a TV show.  The Pokémon animated series is now on Netflix, FYI, and I'm pretty sure they can never take Family Guy away from us.
3. a song or album.  If you don't have one, try John Mayer's Stop This Train.  All of his music is generally soothing, but this song will change everything.  Trust me.
4. a food?  Really though, as fat as that sounds, sometimes things can be fixed simply with an entire box of Kraft mac n' cheese all for yourself or a tub of Ben and Jerry's or a box of Girl Scout cookies.  Bonus points for nostalgia: eating something you liked when you were a kid or had on a particularly happy occasion is the BEST.
5. okay, a physical place too; mine include a park bench at Venice Beach, the zoo, the animation studios in Disney California Adventure, and Sprinkles Cupcakes, to name a few.  The best one is home.  I'm fortunate to have two that make me very happy, my cozy little Anaheim apartment and my warm, beautiful Salida home.  If your home isn't one of your happy places, you're doing something wrong.
and 6. my favorite, a memory.  Because you can't always put headphones on or run to the grocery store or spend a day in bed watching movies.  Memories can't be taken away or corrupted, unless we alter them ourselves.  When they're bad memories, sometimes that's the only way to cope.  But the good ones, the good ones can be a light on our darkest days.  The ones in which you're sitting in your living room with your family, watching Modern Family and eating chocolate cake, your dog asleep with her head in your lap.  The ones in which you take a quiet, warm-weather evening walk and come home with a handful of lilacs and some pure, honest poetry.  The ones in which you and your best friend get lost floating down the river and walk what might be three hours to get back to the truck, sunburnt and dusty and stomachs sore from laughing.  The one in which a trusted friend, grown from high school emo companion to beautiful, independent woman, is walking down the aisle to Weezer's Island In The Sun, and he's holding you close and quietly singing the words in your ear, and at that EXACT moment you know you could never be happier with anyone else, and that you can't wait for the day when you're the one walking down the aisle and he's the one standing at the end of it, beaming back at you.

These are my happy places.  It's hard to share them with you, because they're mine and none of you will ever see them like I did.  But I hope they help you find your own.  Happiness is a right.  You deserve it.

January's baaaack

I started making New Years resolutions when I was probably like 8 years old.  I don't know.  I like lists and the idea was so romanticized that my little innocent brain didn't know any better.  I remember scribbling something on a napkin in a restaurant in San Diego and hiding it in the pocket of my denim Barbie jumper because if I told my family it wouldn't come true (that's how New Years resolutions work, right?)  Anyway, no one tells you how hard it gets to write them as an adult.  Teenage me had it the easiest.  I don't really remember my lists but here are some examples of things I imagine may have been included:

1.  Stay skinny!
2.  Don't fail algebra again
3.  Tell Jack Cooke from drama that you love him (now you know, Jack Cooke)
4.  See My Chemical Romance in concert (okay, this is still on my list as an adult, moving on)
5.  Become famous!

Really though.  That's what it was like.  Now things are so different.  For some adults the lists are probably really long and involve a lot of money spent.  I don't really know how I'm going to pay my rent next month, let alone go see a concert in Vegas or travel to France.  I can't afford a personal trainer or a new car.  "Becoming famous" is no longer this magnificent sugary dream where like a fiery limo chariot driven by Jesus of Nazareth and Johnny Cash just picks me up outside a Walmart and asks if I want to be a rockstar.  Now, now that things are a little hard and a little jaded and a little broken, reality is what drives my resolve.

So as I sit here eating my Easy-Mac and Dr. Pepper last supper, because would it KILL me to prepare a meal that requires more than ten minutes in the kitchen, I focus on just controlling and changing the little things I can.  It would probably be good if I resolved to always brush my teeth before falling asleep.  I could probably manage to not get a ticket this year, and not to intentionally crash my car.  I could probably not get addicted to heroin or resort to exotic dancing to pay the bills.  I could MAYBE go for a run every other week without dying (although the results haven't come back from the lab on that one yet.  Standby until swimsuit season).  There are a few others brewing in my brain but I think that's probably enough for this year.  Instead of wasting a ton of money, time and energy on goals we most likely will never reach, let us spend our time cultivating good karma, loving each other, singing Abba in the car and just holding out until tomorrow.  Tomorrow, be it the first of January or the 23rd of August, is where your new life starts.  Tomorrow will always be better.

This is too similar to my last post but I'm posting it anyways

Every year around Thanksgiving I make a list of 100 things I'm sincerely, deeply, I-would-die-without-this grateful for.  This can take literally like six days and many iPhone notes (ex. me while driving: "Siri, can you make a note for me? Write 'thankful for green lights when I'm late for work'").  But although I am just as grateful as in years past, I don't have that kind of time.  So here are 50 things off the top of my head, in no particular order, that I am grateful for and you should be too.

1. fireworks
2. wet puppy noses
3. Disneyland snow
4. Febreeze
5. ballet flats that fit in purses
6. candy cane ice cream
7. job security
8. Kristen Wiig
9. cheap gas
10. a supportive family
11. extension cords
12. sunglasses that don't break within 3 months
13. iPhone maps
14. people who cook things
15. Netflix
16. having a couch AND a TV
17. warm beach days
18. fireplaces
19. non-itchy sweaters
20. air conditioning
21. a fast metabolism
22. luck
23. superglue
24. good morning kisses
25. vivid sunsets
26. farmers markets
27. good eyesight
28. Elton John
29. hardcover books
30. airplanes that aren't freezing cold
31. holidays I can spend with family
32. free food
33. forgiveness
34. Christmas lights
35. T.S. Eliot
36. magicians
37. Goodwill
38. carpet stain remover
39. handmade quilts
40. good spellers
41. blueberry bagels
42. double-ply toilet paper
43. Target
44. never having to go through a breakup ever again
45. smile wrinkles
46. dishwashers
47. big, leafy trees
48. candlelight
49. Nutella
50. peace

May your holidays be filled with time-and-a-half paychecks, family card games and extra-thick socks!

Taking Stock

Today I'm taking a page from my blogger idol, Sydney Poulton of thedaybookblog.com.  This one's gonna be a doozy, but I'm trying to catch up.  Sorry for my slacking!

Making: tea currently, because yelling at people at Disneyland all day really wears on your throat
Cooking: those $1 pasta sides.  Every night.  Over and over.
Drinking: pumpkin spice lattes, God's gift to fall and every legging-loving white girl
Reading: mostly schedules, shift trade requests and tweets.  But I did read The Sun Also Rises a month ago, trying to finish up all my Hemingway
Wanting: MORE TIME
Looking: for a new phone case for my iPhone 5c.  I no longer am finding pieces of screen glass in the pockets of my pants and that is such a beautiful thing
Playing: Star Wars: Force Unleashed II with Chris and finishing the whole game in one night.  Like the champions/losers we are.
Wasting: the very little spare time I have doing things like watching and copying Jessica Rabbit makeup tutorials (which require covering your eyebrows with glue.  DO NOT ATTEMPT)
Sewing: haha
Wishing: again, that I had more time.  To read books and create music and call my mom and love my boyfriend and eat real food.  Someday.
Enjoying: the cooler weather... NOT because IT DOESN'T EXIST
Waiting: for the glorious day I don't have to work two jobs to stay alive anymore
Liking: seeing Halloween everywhere :)
Wondering: when I can go home and see my puppy again
Loving: taking naps together with the back door cracked open to feel the breeze and waking up with his arms still around me, the sun just setting golden on the bedroom wall.
Hoping: that the moments like that can last forever.
Marveling: at how often I manage to make it to work on time, despite my procrastination and/or short intervals between jobs.  Jesus can control traffic lights, let me tell you
Needing: just one day off.  Just ONE.
Smelling: cookies, because my new roommate makes a batch a week.  This is gonna work out well.
Wearing: the cool hoodies Chris left at my house once like every time I go to the grocery store at night.  Sorry babe :)
Following: my dreams.  Follow me, Shea Julie on soundcloud.com  :)
Noticing: everyone my age getting married or having babies.  But I'm just a kid still.  And I'm okay with that.
Knowing: that someday, I'll miss all this.
Thinking: that even as busy as I am, I have a beautiful life.
Feeling: so grateful for all of the people that keep me going day to day.  I am so blessed to know so many people that love me much more than I deserve.
Bookmarking: recipes and Pinterest DIY projects, for a day when I have more people to care of than just myself.
Opening: the door to my room and finding the boy I love asleep in my bed, waiting for me.
Giggling: with the people I love, every day, on lunch breaks and phone calls, over pizza and clever texts.  Giggling like I haven't since before I can remember.
Feeling: HAPPY.

10 Things You Probably Have a Love/Hate Relationship With About Me

1.  I don't post on my blog.  Get over it (but also I'm deeply sorry).
2.  I saw One Direction in concert.  In a $90 seat that sold out over a year ago.  I'm expecting two different reactions to this news so I will address both:
No, I am not a raging 1D fan, I did not buy the tickets, and I was forcibly coerced into going by my best friend, and
Yes, it was pretty awesome.
3.  This whole "free Chipotle because I work there" thing has escalated to the point that I will LITERALLY vomit if I try to eat it.  So yes, I am on my deathbed.  If you wish to send me flowers/chocolate/large sums of money please contact me for further details.
4.  I spent a week in Hawaii with my family which, I won't lie, was amazing BUT
5.  I am currently so tan that instead of the usual polite "Do you speak Spanish" at Disneyland
I am now just immediately accosted with rapid-fire questions.  This happens at least every 20 minutes.  It is kind of funny but also completely out of control.  I took 2.5 years of B-grade high school Spanish.  It's not happening.
6.  Don't have time to work out?  No problem!!!  With two jobs and a relationship and friends visiting and housing issues, (imminent) ulcers will do the job for you! *sponsored ad*
7.  Since my boyfriend brought me a TV and his PS3, I spend my free time binge-watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix and I hate it so much.  Productivity in my free time is laughably nonexistent.
8.  I turned 21 and now all I have to look forward to is being able to rent a car when I'm 25 :(
9.  I'm already bored of this blog post, are you
10.  See ya in a few weeks!  Or whatever, you know.  Not good with commitment.

xo

Religion for the Nonreligious

So there's this movie called Constantine.  Maybe you've heard of it and maybe you should definitely see it.  It has Keanu Reeves and Shia LaBeouf and a handful of other splendid actors in it, and it's basically about this fallen angel who tries to redeem himself by sending demons back to hell and stopping the devil's son from being born to a mortal woman with the help of the angel Gabriel.

OKAY.  COOL.

One of the concepts Constantine introduces is the existence of half-breeds, which are either angels or demons who live in our world, sort of "influence peddlers".  They walk among us to give us courage or to tear us apart.  I'm pretty sure I don't believe in demons taking human form on earth, but lately I've been recognizing the angels around me.

How can I deny it?  There's the manager at Chipotle who tirelessly makes sure I am always out on time to make it to Disneyland, even coming in over an hour early himself to count my drawer when I'm cashier.  There's the kind old coworker at Autopia who, when he found out I was sick and was concerned I wasn't eating, disappeared for a moment and came back with a cup and plate to share his vitamin water and cashews with me.  There's the friend who sends me random Family Guy clips to tell me she misses me, the friend who checks up on me every time I tweet something negative, the friend who makes sure I've put my college applications in, the friend who sends me a Facebook message just to tell me she's thinking about me and hopes I'm having a better day than the day before.  There's the cousin who makes sure I'm making blog posts and still makes me feel like I'm a part of her life even though she's married and we're three states away.  There's the sister who sends unsolicited playlists of beautiful music, the mother who sends care packages with Easter baskets and Les Mis and chocolate, the father whose prayers I can feel, the brother who lightens my day with text messages like "I don't have to dance in Be Our Guest anymore cuz I was at church instead of rehearsal on Sunday! #perksofbeingamormon".  There's the boyfriend who is always there and always supportive and always loving and always the most incredible thing I have ever found, surprising me with dinner just because he can or bringing me an entire pharmacy when I have a cough or pretending that I'm doing fantastic when I'm standing in the 50 MPH batting cage freaking out and not hitting a single ball.

And those are only a few of them.

Maybe none of these people have wings.  Maybe they grew up in dingy apartments in downtown L.A. or made mistakes that kept them from showing their face in church for long, painful months.  Maybe they struggle to pay their bills and their dad's chemotherapy costs and have to take the bus to work every day.  Maybe they have tattoos and addictions and their own half-breed demons to deal with.  Maybe they don't even believe in God.  But they are angels, at least to me.

In the end, we all can be and probably are someone's angel.  So do something nice today, if even just for a stranger.

This concludes this public service announcement.

Clint Eastwood time

THE GOOD:
- both my hamsters are still alive (and safely caged)
- being able to afford to attend two weddings in two weeks, both 6 hours of travel away
- having a new car that gets such incredible gas mileage compared to the truck that I cry every time I'm at the gas station
- DR. PEPPER (it's in my genes, you can't blame me)
- having BOOKS on my bookshelf again, one of my favorite parts of going home and coming back

THE BAD:
- living with someone who I so greatly dread coming in contact with that I won't even leave my room to pee when she's home
- feeling a little bit vindicated when said person tells me she has to move back home because she's broke
- dropping my phone face first and completely shattering the screen the likes of which the iPhone world has never seen  :(

THE UGLY:
- my hair after working 4 hours at Chipotle under an ugly sweaty hat and then driving 6 hours with my Giants snapback on.  The first words my mother said to me when I woke up the next morning: "You NEED to wash your hair."
- when your jeans are SO TIGHT in the calf area that the nice Asian lady who gave you a pedicure uses her entire body weight to try and roll them back down and actually apologizes to you because she can't do it
- my mother and I borderline sobbing together when I opened my car door to drive back to Anaheim and my puppy jumped in the front seat, thinking she was coming along

The good list could have gone on for hours.
But I don't want to bore you.
Nobody likes seeing other people happy.
:)

Unexcused Absence

APOLOGIES ARE IN ORDER

I've been inexplicably inactive for a month and a half now.  I'd like to rationalize this by placing the blame on these things, instead of just sheer laziness:

1.  I am working close to 50 hours a week now, 5 days at Chipotle and 5 at Disneyland.  I have had literal 12 hour work days several times recently.  I had my first day not working either job in 3 months last Friday, and I was so bored/wonderstruck with my new freedom that I drove to Venice Beach, by myself, for 3 hours.  All I did was buy an Oreo milkshake, try on 4238 pairs of sunglasses, and shield my eyes while passing the medicinal marijuana clinics every 50 feet.

2.  One night while watching Rob and Big I was whining about how much I wanted a puppy.  My darling boyfriend surprised me 3 days later with two dwarf hamster brothers, who we named Bennie and Jet.  I was ecstatic.  But much to my horror, Jet escaped from his cage literally within 4 hours of me bringing him home.  He lives under the stove now.  I just set food out on the kitchen floor every night and it's gone in the morning.  So that's fun.

3.  At the risk of being too explicit, let me just say this: be sure you know who you're living with before you actually start living with them.

Too much?

4.  I've been in two accidents in the space of one month.  One wasn't my fault.  But talk about a major ego hit.  I think I drive like James Bond and everyone else thinks I drive like I have a deathwish.

5.  Also, BASEBALL SEASON

6.  I almost always smell like steak and grease.  I'm completely out of socks.  I haven't taken out my garbage or washed any dishes in a month.  But I have commanded a paper airplane brigade of four boys under 10 years old on the back row at church.

PRIORITIES.

And that's the majority of what we've missed.  The rest I'll compensate for in pictures.

 

my apartment assembly crew

 

my lovely new bedroom

 

finishing puzzles at 2 AM, half-asleep

 

THE KIDS ARE BACK

 

just a sample of how that whole trip went

 

reprising midnight Sprinkles trips with Jamie

 

Quickly Now

It is February, and it is 80 degrees outside.  And Don't Panic by Coldplay is floating through my speakers and I am eating my second Klondike bar of the day.  And my Valentines Day was fantastic and I get to see my beautiful mother in 4 days.  And I'm moving into my new apartment on Tuesday.

 

Deep breath,

And go.

 

We live in a beautiful world, you guys.

 

 

(I've clearly been on this a few more times than him)

 

came home to this lovely treat. just fyi, lizard bones crunch pretty loudly when eaten

 

poppin tags in the Goodwill in the land of old rich white people

 

and a throwback to the end of college program

 

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Striking Gold

NEWS

1.  I HAVE A SECOND JOB! AT CHIPOTLE! THE SECOND HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH
2.  I HAVE AN APARTMENT NOW
3.  BEING AN ADULT IS TIRING
4.  MOUNTAIN DEW IS HERE TO HELP

But in all seriousness, I've done so much in the last week that we're all pretty lucky I'm still awake at 8:57 pm on a Friday night.  Having two jobs hasn't affected me quite yet, but once I get a set schedule at Chipotle I'll get one at Disneyland too so I can maximize my hours and avoid pawning shifts off on newer cast members desperate for hours like I had to this week.  Elena and I don't move into our new apartment until February 19th, so I don't have to worry about that quite yet, but we toured at least 7 miniature hell-holes this last week before we stumbled upon this beautiful little gift from God.  Recently remodeled, two bedrooms, fireplace, walk-in closet, gated complex, free breakfast on Saturdays, $1165 a month?  Yes please.
My best friend Audrey taught me last year that lifting your feet off the floor of your car when you drive over railroad tracks is good luck.  Or maybe it's that not lifting your feet is bad luck.  Either way, there are 4 sets of railroad tracks on the way to my boyfriend's house, and I've been lifting my feet every single time.
I think it's paid off.